


how far i'll go

by nomothematic



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, but i wanted to write something else, i just needed to get this out, i'm just so upset about the pens, this is probably so bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 20:32:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10861557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomothematic/pseuds/nomothematic
Summary: losing always hurts, doesn't it





	how far i'll go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [commonlybad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonlybad/gifts).



as the final buzzer sounded and the capitals rushed to holtby, tackling him to the ground, auston dropped to his knees.

he wasn’t sure what happened, or why this loss was so _crippling_. they had another game, they had another chance but. he just wanted it so badly.

a hand appeared at his shoulder, a quiet voice speaking above, “matts. come on.”

auston just hunched forward, dropping to his hands. the noise on the crowd suddenly dropped in volume, the fans shocked.

“matts, please.”

taking in a shuddery breath, auston just shook his head. he blinked, trying to hold back his tears but he couldn’t succeed. he couldn’t focus on anything but the sound of ovechkin and the capitals yelling from the other side of the ice. He suddenly was aware of the group around him.

“auston, just-come to the locker room.”

auston took a deep breath before pushing to his feet shakily, falling heavy into willy’s side, “why wasn’t i good enough willy.” 

he heard connor inhale sharply at his matts, only to be cut off by willy’s voice, “always best matts. it was us. not for you and not for freddie.”

auston wasn’t sure what did it, but he found his knees giving out. his sobs suddenly wracked his body and he was thankful for the boys crowding around and forming a wall from the crowd. “i’m so sorry, i’m so fucking sorry i’m so so so sorry-“ He cut himself off as a small moan of pain slipped from his mouth.

jake dropped down next to auston and pulled him into his side again, “you were more than enough matts, fuck please don’t blame yourself.”

matts wasn’t sure who eventually got him to his feet, but he was quickly steered down the tunnel and to a private locker room. willy was the only one who stayed behind, slowly stripping his pads off and bullying him into the shower. propping auston against the wall, willy turned the water on hot and let it wash over auston’s body, something he was thankful for. 

the water and steam allowed him to sob harder, tears disappearing with the water as he leaned up to face the stream, eyes shut. after a couple of moments he leaned into the wall, shoulders shaking as he began muttering to himself in shame and insult.

auston lost track of time until he noticed the water running cold and willy suddenly appearing to shift him into the locker room, surprised at the sight of his clothing and gear neatly piled in the stall.

“come matts, let team take care of you.”

willy’s eyes widened at auston stepped away, dropping down to pull his skates on, “go ahead willy, i just. i need some time on the ice.”

“do you need me to come with?”

auston shook his head, “no willy. just. alone. i’m sorry.”

willy paused for a moment before squeezing auston’s shoulder softly, “call if need later. won’t sleep much.”

auston nodded and kept his eyes at his skates as he heard willy exit the room. eventually taking to his feet, auston moved towards the rink in a daze. he barely registered hitting the ice, gliding in no pattern, slowly. hitting a spot in the ice, auston suddenly hit the ice. he tensed for a second before collapsing onto the ice, rolling on his back. it wasn’t long until the tears hit him again, auston staring blankly upwards as the tears streaked down.

he wasn’t sure how long he laid there until he heard a voice from behind. turning, auston sharply inhaled at the sight of mitch.

they stared at each other for a moment, startling auston into speaking, “marns”

“its not your fault.”

auston suddenly rushed forward, throwing his arms around mitch and burying his face into his neck again. mitch gasped as he wrapped his arms around auston in return, squeezing him tightly as the shaking of auston’s shoulders began.

“auston please, don’t. god, fuck. auston.”

auston just pressed his face further into the warmth of mitch’s neck, trying to even out his breaths, “i don’t deserve this team i let them down i can’t-“ as a sob wracked his body, auston’s knees gave out once more, dragging them both to the ground. 

mitch pulled him into his lap and just ran his fingers through auston’s hair, humming quietly, “matts, you have to breath. this isn’t your fault.”

digging his hands into mitch’s side, auston just pushed further into his embrace, prompting mitch to begin dropping kisses into the top of auston’s head, speaking even quieter, “auston, babe, please. please stop for me.”

mitch lost track of how long it took until auston’s breathing evened out and he went slack in his grip, startling slightly as he heard auston’s voice, roughened by tears, speak, “i don’t deserve you mitchy.” 

“you deserve me, the team, the whole world auston.”

auston’s murmured quietly into mitch’s neck, “i love you.”

startling slightly once again, shocked at the words spoken for the first time, mitch just squeezed auston closer, “i love you too. so fucking much.”

“next time marns, i’ll score a goal. just for you. maybe four.”

snorting, mitch scrubbed auston’s hair making the man pushed up from the embrace with an mock-angry face, “fuck you man, i’m trying to be nice and you fucking-.”

mitch cut auston off by pushing his lips onto his until auston sighed softly into the kiss.

“you’re so fucking gay matts.”

the resulting slap against mitch’s head pulled a grin out of him, happy to see one reflected back onto auston’s head.”

everything was going to be alright.

**Author's Note:**

> this is probably total shit i've never written marnsthews but i tried really hard
> 
> thanks for help aly/sam
> 
>  
> 
> i need to stop listening to moana


End file.
